


Recto Verso

by lightwavesurfer



Category: K-pop, Real Person Fiction, TWICE (Band)
Genre: Adult Life, Eventual Romance, F/F, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-01-07 07:00:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12227919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightwavesurfer/pseuds/lightwavesurfer
Summary: There is a story where past and present collide.There is a story about Sana and Mina.





	1. Rewind

_As the seamless tomorrow passed by_

_I stopped and stood, turned around,_

_Then mourned the endless today_

**_Asian Kung-Fu Generation – Re: Re:_ **

 

 

At Lavenza, someone has a great idea to play old-school rock music through the speaker where most of the customers are mostly young couples. You know, the youths, dreamers, drunk in love, the types who stay together and lick each other’s wounds, and Sana admits that she has been there once. It’s a part of growing up, she thinks. Then again, she always has a heart for the young and tragic.

She introduces Arisa. And while Momo is all welcoming and even offering Arisa to try Lavenza’s special menu, Mina has a different thing in mind. You can say that Mina acts like a snob, but she has a good reason to be. It isn’t easy to impress Myoui Mina, which, of course, understandable because Mina never wants to associate herself with boring people.

But Arisa isn’t boring. The girl has a good head on her shoulders. She is playful with Sana and even manages to crack a joke which makes Momo almost choke on her drink. There is something mischievous about her. And when Mina is blatantly caught staring, Arisa replies with a small smile and resumes the conversation without a hitch.

Momo leaves them to check on the kitchen. _Because I’m the boss here,_ she says, boasting, and with a big grin on her face. Momo has always been passionate about cooking. The fact that Momo prefers to devote her abilities to this tiny diner instead of those five-star restaurants in Ginza is still a mystery to Sana. Arisa also goes to the restroom, leaving Mina and Sana alone.

“New girlfriend?”

There’s no right way to describe Mina’s voice. Is it jealousy? Impassiveness? Annoyance? Sana doesn’t dare to guess. She doesn’t want to know either. All she understands is Mina has decided to talk to her and brought the topic Sana doesn’t want to address.

“Only a colleague,” Sana tells Mina simply, taking her glass and finding it empty. Her head starts to feel light, and Sana rubs on her temple to keep herself awake. Mina is still looking at her and Sana wonders why can’t Mina just drop it and talk about other things.

“She’s been staring at you.”

“It’s because she has two functioning eyes?” Sana retorts, trying not to sound too confronting. She turns to Mina and finds the other woman is still unfazed as ever. “What are you trying to say, Mina?”

Mina shrugs. “Nothing. Arisa is… interesting. She’s really eager to please,” She taps her fingers on the cold surface of her glass, eyes darting to the moderately crowded restaurant as if she’s trying to find a better word to say. “She really adores you.”

“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.”

Mina shifts, lips pursed to a line. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Sana scratches the back of her head. “Can you stop talking like a Neanderthal and tell me what you have in mind already?”

Mina looks offended but she knows better than to cause a scene by retorting Sana’s peculiar sass. “I hope you don’t fuck this up.”

A laugh bubbles on Sana’s throat. Mina is trying to be cryptic, Sana’s sure of it. But Sana also knows that Mina is doing a very bad job at it. Mina is anything but subtle. And if the uneasy gesture Mina has shown a couple hours back isn’t any indication, Sana would safely assume that Mina is a bit jealous.

“I never fuck up. I do my job seriously if that’s what you’re implying.”

However, Mina is starting to run out of patience. “What I’m _implying_ is you have to stop fooling around!”

Sana doesn’t have anything to counter that. Mina exhales a tired breath; the sharpness in her eyes grows weaker and turns to a softer shade of brown. This would only mean one thing.

“Sana, please. I don’t care if you hate me for saying this to you, but you have to understand.” The agitation in her voice changes to something more somber. It does a number of things to Sana— things like wires coiling around her throat.

“I’m doing fine, okay?” Sana says quickly, shaking her head in dismissal. “Stop assuming things, Mina. It’s wrong and it’s annoying. You’re not helping anyone and you’re just going to make other mistakes you’re gonna regret.”

Mina narrows her eyes, not amused. “You’re not answering anything.”

“I know. I did it on purpose,” Sana mutters. Her eyes are wide and bright, almost disarming. She leans into Mina, her nose brushing against Mina’s cheek, and her mouth is just a breath distance from Mina’s ear. “Because it’s fun to keep a secret from you.”

Mina looks like she’s ready to tell Sana off, but the sight of Arisa walking out from restroom stops her. The young woman exhales a soft but frustrated groan and saunters off to the bar.

“You sure take your time,” Sana greets when Arisa takes a seat next to her. “Find something interesting on the toilet?”

“There’s a queue,” Arisa replies, then she looks around. “Where’s Myoui- _san_?”

“Probably being a pretentious, selfish dickhead somewhere,” Sana huffs, putting no effort to pick her words.

Arisa frowns. “That’s not a nice way to say about your friend.”

Sana coughs a dry chuckle. “She’s always been a selfish dickhead.” Her eyes land on the bar and Sana almost scoffs at how easy she spots Mina. The woman is there, nursing on her glass, looking miserable like she picks the wrong number at lotto.

A soft caress on the side of her arm breaks her focus. The look on Arisa’s face makes her feel guilty. Dammit, she’s not supposed to do this.

“Did you guys have a fight?”

“Nah. This is normal for us,” Sana waves her hands, trying to sound casual. “I called her names and she acted like a spoiled princess. This ain’t new.”

Arisa doesn’t look satisfied and Sana is grateful when the girl doesn’t press on the matter further. They sit in silence for a while and don’t even try to strike up a conversation. The song has changed to a slower one; low bass humming together with a smooth chord of a guitar. Sana leans back to the chair, staring at the ceiling with nothing particular in mind.

“Um,” Arisa starts, hesitates. “Maybe it’s just me, but when I said that I work as a swimsuit model, she had this… look, you know, like she thinks of me as cheap or something.”

From her peripheral vision, Sana watches Arisa picking on the tattered cloth of her jeans. “You’re imagining things.”

Arisa doesn’t look convinced. “I know when a person is looking down on me,” the young girl shoots back with an understandably upset tone.

“Mina never looks down on anyone,” Sana almost groans. _What a way to show your biases_ , the woman berates herself. “Like I said before, Mina is a bit pretentious, but she knows when to show appreciation especially when that person works really hard.” Sana puts her thumb on Arisa’s chin and lifts the girl’s face up. “Maybe… you remind Mina when she was your age.”

Arisa hums and looks another way. “You’re telling me that she was a swimsuit model too back in high school?”

“Nah. Her part-time job was more questionable than yours,” Sana laughs while patting Arisa’s cheek. “Believe me. She had it worse than all of us.”

Sana understands that her explanation probably makes no sense, but Sana thinks it’ll be better to leave it like that. Arisa doesn’t need to know anything about her history with Mina. On the other side of the room, Sana sees Mina talking to Momo and she is smiling so wide, with teeth and gums, with wrinkles on her nose.

Something heavy drops on her chest and Sana remembers:

Mina is the only one who can make her feel like this.

*

Minatozaki Sana never planned this to happen. But then again, she preferred it like this because she’s just a simple-minded girl who tried to find her place in the world. She could retell her life in the most boring way: a tragic story where she fell in love with someone ordinary, going out on a date every weekend, getting married, divorced and fought for custody just like everybody else. Predictable, but that’s how it should be.

Unfortunately, that’s not her story. There’s no love at first sight, there were no butterflies in her stomach, not even chocolates on Valentine’s days. Worst of all, she didn’t even get the girl.

When her homeroom teacher decided to arrange seats, Sana got Mina sitting beside her. The quiet one, smart, very pretty, but never really stood out because she was always hidden behind other people, but Sana always noticed.

 _Oh joy_ , she thought and put her bag on the table.

For whatever reasons, thinking about Mina made her throat tightened, a strange heat curling on the base of her stomach, and Sana wondered if she should ask someone else to change with her because that would be the best thing to do.

Hours went by and both of them didn’t even make an effort to start a conversation. First, of course, they’re in class and speaking would result having a chalk thrown to their heads. Second, well, Sana didn’t even know what to say because Mina was _too quiet_ and, without a better word, quite intimidating.

When the teacher left the class, everyone took this chance to chat with each other. And, of course, Sana was still stuck with Mina, bored out of her mind. Sana sent the sky outside with a forlorn look, eyes wincing at the sight of cloudless blue. It was a beautiful day indeed.

“Want one?” Sana blinked. That voice was small, heavy, and came from beside her. She turned around and saw Mina holding a lollipop in front of her face. “It’s peach flavored,” the younger girl stated.

Sana didn’t say anything but she accepted the candy. She waited, took her time to observe this girl.

“You always do this to everyone you meet? Giving them lollipops?”

Mina shrugged. “I bought two this morning.”

Sana smirked. “So, if you didn’t buy two, you won’t have an excuse to talk to me?

“Not really,” Mina answered, and she didn’t even change the tone of her voice too. “I thought it’d be polite if I talk to my new seatmate at least once.”

Sana was sharp. She knew when people insult her. Mina was meek but she was far from delicate. “So,” Sana cleared her throat, “you do this because you’re stuck with me and you don’t want to look impolite,” the girl nodded, unwrapping the candy and began sucking on it. “Please let me know if we’re going to be awkward so I can ask the teacher to change seats—”

“We won’t,” Mina added. There’s an urgency in her voice and it sounded like an objection. Then she tucked her hair behind her ears, eyes looking down, and the strong façade she showed a moment ago was gone. “I think we will be fine.”

Sana didn’t immediately respond. She’s sort of looking at Mina. In earnest. The girl was looking delicate, shy—small even. Sana let out a grin and stretched her legs, getting comfortable.

“If you say so.”

*

It was after school, everyone was either went back home or joined activities when Sana sneaked to the rooftop. When she arrived, the door was already unlocked and Sana saw a student in her track uniform, squatting on the floor while tending to the potted plants.

Curious. She stepped forward and caught a familiar face.

 “Yo, Myoui.”

The girl yelped and almost tripped on her toes. She quickly regained her composure before turning around. Her expression turned bashful when she saw Sana.“Oh, it’s you.”

Sana clicked her tongue. “Minatozaki Sana’s the name. Please, have it memorized,” she put her finger on the side of her temple. She leaned on the railing, staring down at school’s field where the track team was practicing. “What are you doing here?”

“Can’t you see what I’m doing right now?” Mina grunted as she picked a heavy-looking pot and put it on the corner.

“Well, I can see that you’re lifting a pot,” Sana inquired again, holding a smile. “But it’ll be nice if you kind enough to explain what you’re doing to me? I’m bad at guessing games.”

“Are you always this cheeky?” the girl asked, annoyed. Her voice was calm with a bit of a husk, contrary to her soft appearance. Then again, what you showed up front was essentially a mask of who you really are.

“Only to special people,” Sana replied, sending Mina a wink, holding her laugh when Mina’s face turned disgusted.

“Look,” Mina said, “I’m busy right now. Can you go somewhere else?”

Sana blinked up from where she’s standing. When their eyes met, Mina quickly looked away.

“Why? I won’t bother you,” Sana reasoned. This girl was indeed strange after all. A few weeks ago, she asked Sana to be her friend and now she’s acting like she preferred to be left alone.

“Don’t you have somewhere else to go?”

Sana didn’t have any intention to leave. She sent the small garden behind Mina a curious look. “You can keep doing what you do. Just pretend I’m a scarecrow or something.”

Mina sighed and bounced off, continuing what she had left, clicking her tongue when she saw a slight damage on the branch. There was nothing between them except for a soft snipping from Mina’s twig clipper.

Sana was watching the girl. Things she noticed: Mina was beautiful. Those round eyes were looking clear and sharp. The kind that stripped your defenses, making you feel vulnerable, yet they also stirred curiosity within you. The twig clipper was looking intimidating on Mina’s small hands, but the girl was handling it with grace as she tended her garden, carefully, calmly. Gracefully. Her mouth was slightly open, the tip of her tongue peeked from between her teeth as her brows frowned in concentration.

Sana kept watching. Her gaze dropped to Mina’s lips, lingering.

“You always do this gardening thing?”

“A scarecrow can’t speak, you know,” Mina shot back, didn’t miss a beat.

Sana chuckled. “That’s a good one.” Mina was actually quite entertaining when she opened her mouth. “But I’m serious. As far as I know, this school doesn’t have a botany club.”

“Is it really strange for you?”

 “Not really,” Sana shrugged; her words were hanging. “I mean, you’re always alone. I think it’ll be weirder to see you active as a cheerleader.”

“It’s my hobby.”

Sana nodded, uninterested. The heel of her shoes pressed onto the floor. “Well, at least you’re doing something productive.”

“I’m not good with crowds,” Mina said, some sort of confessing. With shyness. The snide was disappeared almost instantly. “I feel like I don’t know how to put myself. It’s probably easier to talk to plants if they can ever talk that is.

“People can see that,” Sana replied dryly, finding Mina’s logic a bit weird for her taste.

Mina stole a glance at Sana.

“That’s why when I know that I’m going to sit with you, I feel… nervous,” she said too, laughing a little. “You’re, like, someone I want to avoid and yet you’re going to sit with me for a year.”

“Ugh yes. I know, right? I’m scary and too vulgar for a pure and pious girl like you,” Sana was sort of bluffing. There’s no other intention aside from pure curiosity. Maybe she secretly wanted to know Mina more than she’d like to admit.

Mina ignored the blunt sarcasm and waved it off with a chuckle. “You’re right,” she admitted, blushing a bit. “You’re popular and I’m just…” Mina shrugged, “no one.”

Usually, Sana was always good with words. But as she stood there, seeing Mina on this lonely and dusty rooftop on this warm late spring afternoon, she felt loneliness closely seeping into her. Sana didn’t have to do this, frankly. She could go right now, leaving Mina and her stupid garden and do something else.

But Sana was here. She stayed.

“You’re not,” Sana said it. And she didn’t even know why.

The girl stiffened. “What?”

“Your name is always on top five in exams. You won the national science competition and also the school’s representative for ballet competition last year,” Sana mentioned casually as if it’s a common knowledge.“For a ‘no one’, you’re an overachiever.”

Mina didn’t say anything. The color of her face didn’t show what’s on her mind either. But Mina’s eyes were bright under the afternoon sun, almost looking like they’re gleaming. Very beautiful, and Sana almost didn’t want to look away.

“So… you notice,” Mina muttered, tucking her hair behind her ear. She returned to tend to her plants, obviously trying to cover her blush.

“You’re welcome,” Sana grinned, and if anything, she found Mina weirdly hilarious. “Students in this school don’t appreciate geeks. It’s their loss, actually.”

“And you’re a friend to all geeks?” Mina shot back with a smirk.

“You gave me that lollipop,” Sana said, as though it was the most natural thing in the world. “So, if you want to be specific, you’re the first geek to ask me out.”

Another pretty blush crept on Mina’s face. “Ask you out? I didn’t—”

“As a friend,” Sana concluded, holding on her laugh.

That harmless answer almost made Mina snip poor plant to two. The poor girl cleared her throat. “Why do you have to make it sound like that?”

“This is how I normally talk,” the older girl replied. “Get used to it because you’re going to listen to me talking a lot from now on.”

Sana struck the right note, neither too aggressive nor too oppressively kind. It’s just right, with a nudge of her head and the light smile on her lips. And Mina just stared, in disbelief. Her heart welled up; a flicker of warmth began to grow.

There’s nothing romantic about this place. The floor was dusty, also there’s still a lingering scent of chemicals in the air. Below, she could listen to the faint howling of the students from the track field. The breeze had turned colder; even the sky had turned darker. But Sana was still here, with Mina, staring at Mina, realizing how beautiful the girl was even when she had a pimple on the side of her cheek, and Sana never felt like this before.

Mina blinked. “Do you mean it?”

“Do I have to cut open my chest and show you my heart?” Sana rolled her eyes, starting to feel annoyed with the heat she felt at the back of her neck. She stood up and motioned to the door, her hand reached out. “Let’s get out of here.”

Mina’s fingers were soft as they crept up on Sana’s palm. “Yeah.”

They said everything always started in curiosity.

Maybe this was the start of everything.


	2. Everything That's Not About Us

_Why don't we just dream away_

_If that could make us stay?_

_Why can't we just dream away?_

_We're not real, anyway._

**_Float – Stupido Ritmo_ **

 

It is almost eleven at night.

The taxi goes slowly down the street, through the bright neon lights, and stops in an intersection. Midnight is slowly approaching and while the peak of activity has ceased, Dōtonbori is still pulsing in lights and sounds.

Loudspeakers from stores are still pumping out exaggerated beats of recent pop songs that Sana finds herself humming to it. The giant digital screens fastened to buildings as they illuminate the dark night sky. The restaurants are crammed with people; the waiters are busy yelling orders; a group of college students are making ruckus at the corner, pointedly ignoring the dirty look from other patrons. Teenage girls with their fancy coats strut from the opposite direction; their long legs thrusting out from their miniskirt against the cold temperature.

Sana trudges deeper into the packed sideways. The season is late autumn and the air carries a cold crisp as the wind blows across her face. And while Sana doesn’t bother to wear a mask to cover her face, with her status as a celebrity and all, no one seems to notice that this Sana is _that_ Sana, although there are younger girls who give her a look and giggling to themselves when Sana sends a quick smile.

Arisa sends her a message. Goes something like _don’t forget to rest. we have readings tomorrow!_ and Sana smiles. She taps on the screen and listens to the beeping tone.

“I’m in Osaka right now,” Sana says to Arisa, “probably I’ll be back in Tokyo tomorrow afternoon for the meeting—reading… whatever.”

 _“Don’t push yourself too hard. Why don’t you rent an apartment here?_ ”

Sana stops in front of a pub. She eyes the signboard and smiles to herself.

“Nah, I like commuting. Train riding is my favorite pastime,” she replies and Arisa laughs.

_“You’re so weird.”_

“I’m actually very tired, and I’m not drunk enough to forget that,” Sana chimes in as she pushed the door. The waiter is about to greet her but stops abruptly when she sees Sana’s face. The woman just waves her off.

 _“We can go have a drink once you’re back in Tokyo._ ”

“You’ll pay right?”

_“Why me?”_

Sana snorts. She hangs her coat and sits on the bar. She mouths a bottle of beer to the waiter and leans to the table, getting comfortable.

“Because I’m your favorite person?” Sana says with a cheeky smile.

On the side, Arisa is laughing again. _“I figured you’re flirty, but this is just bad_ ,” she says, mocking but with a hint of playfulness. _“I can imagine you always do this to every people you just met.”_

The waiter returned with a bottle of beer and put it on the table. Sana is about to reach it when someone’s bulky hand beats her to it.

“Phone is not allowed here, missy.”

The pub owner is looking down at her with daggers in his eyes. His graying hair is tied into a loose knot. The man has a slender build, but he is thick on the chest and there’s no excess of fat on the belly. The pub’s lighting accentuates the aging line on his face; his eyes are wide and cautious as if they’re always on the lookout. Sana gives the man shrug of her shoulders and a slightly pleading look, but the man doesn’t budge.

“Keep your conversation outside. You’re bothering the other customers,” that what he says.

Sana rolls her eyes. “I gotta hang up. The owner is scolding me,” she says with a faux sigh and sends the man a mocking look. “Yeah, I’ll call you later. See you, Arisa.” Sana ends the call without a hitch. She offers her hand to the man. “My beer, please?”

He sighs and gives Sana her drink. The liquid hisses when Sana pours it to the glass. The beer tastes cheap as always and Sana has to hold a wince. “Bothering the other customer? Really now?” she comments as she looks around.

She has a point. Compared to other pubs and restaurants outside, this place is practically empty. The pub is unremarkable. The décor is expressionless and casual, there’s an innocuous music in the background playing in low volume, the wall is decorated with contemporary paintings like the owner is trying to follow the latest trends but lacking in taste and knowledge. Overall, nothing stands out but the room is warm and comfortable. Something that reminds Sana of home after a long day of work.

“Rules are rules,” he says. He takes a rag and starts cleaning the bar. “So who’s this Arisa again?”

Sana crosses her legs and drinks her beer in tiny sips. “My friend and we have involved in a project.”

“And?”

She narrows her eyes. “Why are you being nosy?”

The man laughs. His voice is deep and comforting, a total antithesis of his harsh exterior. “As your old man, I have the right to know what you’re doing right?”

Sana chuckles. “I’m doing just fine, dad. You should worry more about this place.” She finishes and throws a glance at the empty tables around her.

“This is my problem, not yours. Just focus on your work,” her dad, Minatozaki Kazuya, answers calmly. He puts the rag away and starts wiping on the glass.

“You can put my poster on the front door. If people know I’m your daughter, I think many will come.”

That earns Sana a dirty glare from her dad. “You think I’ll like it if this place is flooded with those crazy otakus?” he huffs and shakes his head in disagreement. “I still remember that I had to chase them out of our neighborhood when you’re still an idol.”

Sana laughs. Being an idol was a demanding work. Not only she was overworked, she also had to deal with attention from everyone. Some of her fans were lovely and supportive. The others were… questionable.

She remembers that one. It was so late at night and Sana just returned from late night radio show. She was about to enter the apartment when she saw a man standing near the entrance. Her dad came out with a _wakizashi_ in hand and chased the man away after Sana made a quick phone call.

“Yeah I remember that guy,” Sana adds with a snort, “You didn’t wear your shirt, showing your tattoos and all while chasing him with a sword. No wonder he almost shat himself.”

 “I was trying to protect you.”

“And you also put a switchblade and a pepper spray in my bag without telling me. You know, I had to write a long explanation to my manager when he found those.”

He scoffed in dismissal. “Some manager he was. He didn’t even escort you back home.”

“That would arouse another problem, though,” Sana mutters under her breath but doesn’t elaborate more. She reaches the remote control and turns the television on. Flipping through channels, Sana almost yawns with how boring the shows are. She stops when the screen shows a footage of a woman pointing a gun at a man.

“They re-run this drama again?” Sana asks to no one as she trains her eyes onto the screen.

Kazuya glances at the screen. “Damn, I almost forgot to watch tonight’s episode.”

Sana gives Kazuya a blank look. “Did you forget that you have recordings of this?”

Kazuya glares at Sana and picks the remote to turn the volume up. “Shut up. This is the best part!”

Sana rolls her eyes but she keeps watching. It’s a story about crime, justice, and betrayal—a standard recipe for a successful drama. One of the main cast is Heiwajima Yukari, the one who played the cop and also Kazuya’s favorite actress.

For Sana, the drama has too many subplots, the pace is too slow, and the conflicts are over the top. However, Yukari’s acting makes this messy show worth watching. Yukari’s voice is trembling, in disbelief and anger, as she holds her gun to the man who’s supposed to be her trusted partner.

 _“Don’t lie to me!”_ Yukari whispers, almost like she’s begging. The man before her doesn’t flinch. Sana glances to her side. Kazuya is staring at the screen with a serious expression.

The scene continues where the two cops arguing. Yukari’s character insists that she’s on the side of justice and even if she knows that her partner betrays her, she’s still trying to make him return to the right side. Meanwhile, her partner is portrayed as a pragmatic anti-hero who believes that sacrifices, no matter how cruel, is necessary to achieve a greater good. Sana has watched this drama so many times, either from the series re-run or from his dad’s videos, but the scene where Yukari shot the guy and had a mental breakdown afterward always leaves her astounded.

Beside her, Kazuya is sniffling. It’s almost funny to see a scary-looking old man bawling his eyes because of a drama.

“I’m going to get some rest,” Sana picks her bag and jumps off the stool, groaning to herself. “Don’t forget to dry your eyes, dad.”

Kazuya replies with a choked groan. Sana sighs and climbs the staircase, too tired to comment on her dad’s antic.

The second floor was an attic before, but Kazuya had renovated it to a bedroom, which Sana often used when she visited the place. The room is wide and there’s no door to separate it from the staircase. It has a small bed, large bookcase, a desk, and a portable heater. Sana lets out a relieved sigh when her back meets the soft surface of the bed. Dim light illuminates the room as Sana turns on her phone, lazily scrolling down through schedules and appointments.

Her thumb hovers above a message. It’s from Mina.

_How you’ve been doing? Got time to hang out?_

Sana hasn’t been able to talk to Mina lately. They made a promise to meet up when Sana visited Tokyo for work-related trips and ended forgotten in her agenda. Sana thought maybe it’s better like this. They’re adults now. They have priorities, especially Sana with her upcoming movies and dramas. It feels a bit lonely, and Sana often finds herself missing Mina more than she wants to admit.

She doesn’t reply the message and puts her phone away.

*

Kazuya has prepared breakfast and Sana still has three more hours before departing for Tokyo. Her phone has been buzzing since morning, mostly reminders and alerts, and Sana turns it off after receiving a glare from her dad. She sips her coffee, leaning in her chair while watching the morning show. Her dad is standing by the bar and preparing another cup of coffee.

“I’m going to shoot another drama,” Sana begins after swallowing her food. God knows her dad loathes it when someone talks while eating.

“Really? Didn’t the last one finish a while ago?”

“Let’s just say people are starting to take me seriously as an actress,” Sana replies, almost too smugly.

“Why, aren’t you confident?” Kazuya teases. He pours another cup for himself. The air is thick with the scent of coffee. “What’s the story about?”

“It’s a crime drama, which is good because romance is overrated.”

Kazuya laughs in agreement. “And who are you going to play with.”

“Some big names. My manager said a senior actress will take part too.”

 “Good for you. You’ve always wanted to work with the big fish of the industry, right?” Kazuya asks but his voice bears a warning. “Just be careful. The entertainment industry is just another cesspool. Don’t be fooled by it.”

Sana’s smile is crooked, almost looking sinister. “You sure know everything, don’t you dad?”

_Ding._

“Good morning.”

The worst thing is, Sana has always known that this world is small. This encounter, however, is unexpected.

There is a lapse when Sana thinks that she’s still half-asleep. She has stopped chewing, eyes open even wider, and the spoon is dangling dangerously between her fingers. Hirai Momo has this kind of voice.

“What are you doing here?” Sana asks, sort of accuses, maybe in between. She doesn’t stop looking as Momo takes a seat beside her.

Momo peels off her jacket and crosses her legs. She drops her bag on an empty stool beside her. “For the interview,” she answers awkwardly.

“With who?”

“With me,” Kazuya chimes in. He puts a cup of steaming coffee in front of Momo. He gives Momo a polite smile. “Good morning, Ms. Hirai.”

“Oh, hello. Sorry for coming too early.”

“It’s fine,” then he stares at both women in curiosity, “you know each other?”

“Ye—”

“Yes but now’s not the time to talk about it,” Sana gave her answer rather curtly. She smiles at Momo, polite, but lacks the genuine curve that her father has. She stands from the stool and walks to the front door. “If you’ll excuse me.”

Once outside, Sana finds herself breathing a little bit easier. She peeks through the glass window and feels weirded out to see Hirai Momo talking to her father.

 _It’s just a coincidence_ , she thinks and decides to take a walk.

It’s too early to feel like this anyway.

*

Momo sits on the table near the window when Sana returns. There’s a laptop on the table, a cup of coffee and other foods next to her. The screen reflected on her wide glasses while her ears are plugged with an earphone; fingers clacking on the keyboard.

“She’s not gone yet?” Sana greets her dad while keeping an eye on Momo.

“Don’t be rude. She’s doing this pub a favor,” Kazuya scolds her. “So you know her too? Why are you never settling down with one person?”

“Shush. We just happen to know each other,” Sana retorts with a sharp look. She stares at Momo briefly. “Do you remember Myoui Mina?”

“The daughter of that bald doctor from Osaka University Hospital?”

“Don’t be rude,” Sana shoots back although she has to hold a smile at the defeated look on his father’s face. “But yeah. Do you remember her? That Hirai Momo over there is… uh, her girlfriend.”

Kazuya blinks slowly. His thick eyebrows rise rather comically. “I thought she’s going to end up with some rich boys from her father’s acquaintances.”

“Mina doesn’t have specific preferences. She… loves everyone equally,” Sana scoffs,trying to make a gesture with her hands to get her point across.

“Where do they meet?”

 “They met in Korea, when Mina moved there, under a very unfortunate situation,” Sana replies offhandedly, taking a leisure walk to the table where Momo is sitting. “Now, I need to talk to her. Be a dear and don’t try to eavesdrop us, please?” Sana says with a sweet smile and ignored the annoyed look her dad gives her.

As suspected, Momo doesn’t budge when Sana sits in front of her. She knocks on the table to get the woman’s attention. Momo pulls her earphone and offers Sana a quick smile. “Hi.”

Sana nods. Her smile is still present. “Hi to you too,” she replies. Her gaze is sharp. “Have my dad scared you yet?”

“He’s a pleasant man although his jokes are kinda… old,” Momo answers, voice casual, as she leans forward to reach her cup. “He’s just like you, but he doesn’t flirt all the time.”

“His jokes aren’t even the worst thing he can offer,” Sana chimes in, amused. “Anyway, how did you find this place?”

Momo sips her drink. “Well, I’ve been interviewing most of the restaurants here, and I haven’t visited this one.”

Sana props her chin with her hand. “And does this watering hole fancy you?”

“It does, though I think it can do better. The place is comfortable, the food is also great, but I think it lacks the ambition,” Momo looks around like she’s trying to find a better word to describe her thoughts. “I mean, from what Kazuya told me, he doesn’t seem to want this place to get bigger like those restaurants out there.”

“You get that right,” Sana agrees. She picks the paint on the desk with her nails, listening to the ticking clock, and remembers that she has a train to catch. “When he opened this pub, he even said that he’s not going to be ambitious. Just going at his own pace, trying to make a humble living,” she sighs. “Must be quite uninspiring for you huh?”

“Do you know why?” Momo asks back.

Sana suffices with a shrug, biting her lower lip. “Dunno. Old people sometimes have a different vision from youths like us.”

Momo tilts her head, sort of agreeing. “Good point. I’ll put this one on the note.”

“Don’t forget to pay me for this interview yeah?”

Momo laughs and shakes her head. “Well, I don’t bring a lot of cash with me, but I can give you a voucher for the latest promo in Lavenza.” She put a piece of paper on the table. And, indeed, it’s an all-you-can-eat promo voucher with Lavenza logo stamped on it.

The answer is dumb but Sana is laughing too. She leans in to pick on the paper. “This is definitely the cheapest payment I’ve ever had, but I’ll take it.”

Momo’s fingers start to type something again, slower this time. Sana is sort of staring at the other woman, curiously maybe, and Momo looks like she has questions too. There’s a brief tension between them, mild, and Sana admits that it feels a bit suffocating. It feels kind of weird, Sana thinks.

“How’s Mina?” she finally asks. Momo stops typing and just looks at Sana as if she’s been waiting for Sana to ask this particular question.

“She’s doing fine,” Momo answers. She rubs her eyes. “We live together now.”

Sana blinks. “Really?”

“There’s a lot going on,” Momo says. She’s not hesitating and her eyes are sharp. “We know you’ve been busy but I think it won’t hurt to give us a call or two.”

Sana doesn’t say anything. The television plays in low volume, making the announcer’s voice sounds like she’s whispering. She catches Momo watching her in the window reflection, eyes wide and waiting, doesn’t even try to be subtle.

“I still have both of you inside my heart.”

Momo scoffs. “That’s comforting.”

“Seriously, I’ve been really busy.” Sana turns her head and faces Momo. If she has to be honest, it’d be best to say it now. “We have our own things to do. You’re busy with your restaurant and interviews, Mina’s busy with her job, and I’m juggling with my own schedules. My mind is all over the place and I’m trying to be a responsible adult here.”

“Yeah,” Momo looks down on her laptop. “I understand.”

“But I’m happy that both you are doing great,” Sana pauses and smiles. “Like, both of you have gone through so many and now you’re here,” the smile changes into an impish grin. “It’s just a matter of time until I receive an invitation.”

The flush on Momo’s face is laughably adorable. “It’s too early for a wedding!”

“I was expecting an invitation for dinner,” she replies, enjoying how easy to tease Momo. Far easier than Mina. “But a wedding sounds nice too.”

The other woman lets out a loud cough and slams down her laptop, still visibly flustered, and she gives Sana a sharp look. “You’re still the same jerk I know.”

“Thanks. It feels good to receive a compliment.” Sana replies and leans back in the chair. “You have somewhere else to be?”

“Yeah. I need to catch a train to Kyoto after this.”

“Another interview?”

“That too,” Momo shoves her laptop into her backpack when color of her face turns somber. “And I also have to visit my mother.” Momo’s voice is heavy; she doesn’t even remotely look happy at the mention of her mother. Sana doesn’t ask. It’s not her place for that.

Momo leaves not long after that. Kazuya gives Momo a gift that suspiciously looks like a bottle of wine. If that’s true, her father might have given Momo one of his precious collections, which Sana thinks as unfair because Kazuya never let her drink a sip.

“So,” Kazuya says right after the door closes, “interesting conversations you had there.”

“What part of no eavesdropping do you not understand?” Sana asks back with a groan.

“I just heard a whiff of it,” he ignores his exasperated daughter and walks back to the bar. “Hirai is currently living together with Mina, right? My my, kids nowadays are serious when it comes to things like these, huh?”

“Yeah,” is all Sana can suffice. She unlocks her phone and starts skimming through her schedules.

Kazuya gives her a knowing look, which Sana can’t stand because it makes her feel small and helpless—and reminds her a lot of things too.

Kazuya’s voice sounds like an unwanted accident. “Something tells me that you still haven’t let your feelings for Mina go.”

Sana doesn’t answer.

She texts Arisa instead. _I’ll be there soon._

*

It was a humid afternoon when the drama club finished practicing. The weather had been quite hot lately and the air conditioner was barely working, making the temperature inside the auditorium almost unbearable. Sana was sure her throat felt like it was burning. Well, acting and singing for 2 hours straight did justice for that. It was tiring but she felt very content. It was relieving to let all her emotions out without people knowing what she truly felt. Even if they knew, they would think of it as a pure display of magnificent acting.

“Hey, is that Myoui Mina?” A girl with tiny curls dyed in reddish brown was peering from Sana’s shoulder.

Mina was standing there, with her long limbs and her sharp features, looking into the distance as if the world outside her bubble didn’t even exist.

“Would you look at her,” another student chimed in, “standing like she owned the place. Seeing her face is pissing me off.”

“With that face, I’m sure she makes her parents pissed off too,” added the other one with her annoying pitchy voice.

“Give it a rest, girls,” Sana cut them off, feeling suddenly sick on the stomach with how nonchalant some people could be. “I’m sure she didn’t ask to be born with that face.”

“Why do you sound like you’re defending her?”

“Sana sits with her. Did you forget?”

“Aaaah, so you’re starting to get soft to her eh?”

Sana resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “I’m not defending anyone here. I’m just saying that it’s pointless to talk shit about Myoui when you don’t even know who she is.”

“And do you know her?”

The truth was, Sana didn’t even know who Mina was. In class, Mina would diligently jot on her notes, pay attention to classes, overall doing her job as an honor student. Her fingers were pressed on the slightly wrinkled paper; her blunt, plain nails tapped on desk surface while her thin lips slowly mouthing formulas like she’d rehearsed this thing over and over. When Mina didn’t spend her time tending to her stupid plants, she would bolt off the class and go straight to the gate, walking off without sparing her surroundings a look or two.

A month had passed since then and Mina’s existence was still a mystery to Sana and everyone else.

“With that said, I’m going to greet her. You guys can go ahead.”

“See,” the girl with curly hair spoke again. Her voice made Sana feel irritated for some reason. “Don’t spend too much time with her. This school doesn’t need another loser.”

Sana scoffed. “Well, it’s a fact that Mina is smarter than any of us combined, so I suggest you better buy a bigger mirror and take a long look at the loser reflected in it.”

That wasn’t her best comeback but Sana was too tired to deal with this bullshit. It was too hot and the burning on her throat didn’t seem to subside anytime soon. Their sharp gazes felt like they’re drilling a hole in the back of her head. Sana ignored it and tapped Mina on the shoulder.

“Hey, Myoui.”

Mina’s eyes narrowed. “You’re late.”

“I told you I had a club meeting, right?” Sana caught a glimpse of her peers from the club getting closer. She ushered Mina forward to avoid them.

There was a faint sound from the music room, where the concert band club was having a rehearsal for the national competition. Some of the boys from the track team greeted Sana as they walked past the courtyard.

“So what are you doing out there?”

“I’m waiting for you.”

Sana raised a brow, feeling strangely elated. “Waiting for me? Why?”

“I thought it’ll be nice if we can have ice cream or something. It’s very hot today.”

A flustered Myoui Mina stood in front of her, underneath the afternoon sunlight, and Sana couldn’t ask for a better view. Mina was pretty in her own awkward way and she was pouting, and Sana realized that Mina just asked her out—albeit begrudgingly, and she let out a laugh.

“Why are you laughing?” Mina retorted. She didn’t sound too thrilled at that.

“You could’ve just asked. I’d be more than happy to ditch.”

Mina coughed again her palm. She looked away to avoid Sana’s gaze. “I usually go alone,” and Sana held her smile again because she knew Mina was trying to act like she didn’t need anyone, which was quite sad because Sana knew why Mina preferred it that way. “But I have a free coupon for one person, so I thought it’ll be a waste if—”

“Thanks,” Sana said finally. And her voice was softer than she intended to be. Her fingers found Mina’s hand. “For inviting me.”

There’s a brief moment when they just stared at each other, a fleeting time slip where Sana could see a faint smile forming on Mina’s lips. And Sana felt it again.

“Anyway,” Mina cleared her throat and pulled her hand away from Sana. The other girl also had to blink whatever that’s clouding her mind and Sana told herself that now wasn’t the right time to feel any of _those_. “Drama club looks like fun. Are you just acting or what?”

“Acting, singing, and sometimes dancing.” They’re already out of the school, trudging through the pavement at a slower pace. They walked side by side; shoulders brushed occasionally. “Which is nice because I’m currently training to become an idol too.”

Mina blinked. There was disbelief, but Sana noticed that Mina was looking at her with a slight ridicule. Being an idol was not something that would earn praise, especially not from an ambitious, over-achiever person like Mina.

 “Why idol?” Mina asked back in a judging tone.

“Because I want to be one?” Sana, in turn, let out a mocking laugh. “It’s not that strange. If you take notice, there are many of us train to become an idol.”

The frown on Mina’s forehead deepened. “Yeah, but _why_? I mean, there’s no guarantee that you will succeed in it.”

“Yeah, that’s one thing to worry about, but I just want to be one, you know?” Sana replied with an offhanded shrug. “And it’s not like I’ll be an idol forever. I think it’s a first step to… uh, express? What’s the word again?”

“Expand?” Mina added with a blank look.

“Yeah. To _expand_ another carrier. Like, I can be a pro singer when I graduated from the idol life. Or even an actress.”

 “But there’s still a probability that you will fail in it. Or worse. You might get scammed too.”

“That’s correct too, but,” Sana looked up to the sky to find a good reason, “it won’t do any good to think about what-ifs right now. I mean, I’d rather regret it _after_ I got the taste of it instead of regretting not doing it.”

Mina went quiet, but the look on her face was defiant. A moment later, the girl sighed and looked down, shoulders going slump and looking exhausted. “Must be nice to know what you really want.”

Mina’s voice was low, swallowed by the noise from the bustling street, but the look on her face was something that’s best described as lost—maybe confusion or even jealousy. They stopped near an intersection with traffic went by, and the silence continued to prevail between them, building a barrier that prevented Sana from getting closer.

Sana could only watch.

The spaces between them didn’t seem to narrow down.

*

Sana rudely wakes up from her brief slumber and she almost slams her face into the front seat thanks to that stupid taxi driver and his careless way of driving. After spending a good minute complaining, she walks out from the car and makes her way to the TV station. Usually, the agency should provide their actors with operational cars, but her agency is in the middle of cutting ‘unnecessary expenses’ and the usage of cars are strictly monitored.

Sana sighs. Maybe she should apply to get her own driving license…

The elevator opens with a ding. Sana slips in, still in the middle of gathering her brain from the floor—and doesn’t even pay attention to the other occupants. She reads the script one more time, trying to cram most of them inside her jumbled minds. Her eyes narrow and Sana is sure that the letters are starting to get blurry.

“Are you here for the reading?”

Sana blinks up. _Who said that?_ She turns around and sleep leaves her almost instantly.

Heiwajima Yukari is standing before her, all in her beauty and the charisma that Sana thinks it’s unfair for a person to have them both. She stands straight and bows her head slightly, just to show some respect, before looking up again.

“Yes. You here for the new drama as well?”

“It would seem so, yes,” Yukari’s voice is slow, measured, flowing smoothly between words. Her mannerism is almost too formal; there’s not even a single flaw in her appearance. Yukari dresses sharply, with her long hair in a loose side ponytail and her trouser is smooth along her long legs. She wears her blouse neatly with two buttons loose and shows a modest view of her collarbones. Yukari is forty-three but her appearance makes her look like she’s around Sana’s age, which in turn making the younger woman feels rather conscious of her own appearance.

Yukari sends her a smile. “Well then, let’s do our best for today,” she says as she bows to Sana and walks out from the compartment.

The door closes and continues its way upward. Sana groans and hits her head on the wall.

“Ah, shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologize for a very slow update. I haven't forgotten.


End file.
